


Ease My Mind

by ultraviolethaz



Series: Flufftober 2019 [20]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Future, Husbands, M/M, alec is insecure about getting old, magnus doesn't care, singer!alec
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-20
Updated: 2019-10-20
Packaged: 2020-12-31 07:03:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21108218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ultraviolethaz/pseuds/ultraviolethaz
Summary: Alec is away from home so often, he forgets sometimes that things don’t slow down when he’s not there. The sound of his husband’s voice calms him when he overthinks.Or the one where Alec thinks about the future





	Ease My Mind

**Author's Note:**

> Heyyy
> 
> I got the whole fic idea from listening to ease my mind by ben platt! sorry for any grammar mistakes :) let me know what you think?
> 
> enjoy!

Alec was getting old, he knew it, he could feel it in his bones, getting older was not something you could stop, it’s impossible. You start gaining wrinkles, age spots gathering on your skin, eye bags droop, your neck- no one had told Alec this when he was younger- but your neck it drops, you get this weird skin thing that makes you look like a turkey. Why does nobody tell you this is going to happen?. Being on the road had only made all these things more apparent to Alec, everyday he plays a new show, some news article tells him that he played the same arena ten years ago. Big news flash he doesn’t need the reminder, he was there. There’s images of him on the same stage next to that night and he can see how much older he looks. The longer he’s in the spotlight the longer he’s going to be reminded of the fact. 

He wants to forget about his teenage years, they weren’t the best, the drugs, the alcohol the millions and millions of photos of him, on whatever substance he had decided to use that day. There’s one thing he doesn't want to forget. Magnus. The man who had come out of nowhere and just helped, didn’t judge Alec’s situation just helped him on the road to recovering fully. He wasn’t going to lie he was never going to be truly healed but he had Magnus now and forever, and he knew Magnus wasn’t going to leave him. 

He’d been on tour for half a year and hadn’t been home for the last three, there was nothing more that he wanted then to be in his own bed, in Magnus’ arms. But that’s not how it works, he needs to do this tour, the last one he was planning on doing for a while. He had decided that a year ago, he wanted time to himself and for him and Magnus, to start a family before he got too old. Time doesn’t stop because he’s away from home, everything keeps moving while he’s sat in his hotel room on the other side of the world, Magnus doesn’t get younger, his sister doesn’t stop thinking about how to ask Clary to marry her, everything keeps going. Laying on the more expensive than it should be bed, he’s thinking about what Magnus is doing right now, properly getting up to start his day, in the kitchen making his infamous pancakes or waffles- oh how Alec missed those. The way Magnus was most likely swanning around the house in that blue robe, that he never tied up, and hardly ever wore anything under. He missed it all, he missed watching everything grow around him.

This is why he has the videos. Magnus made him a series of videos for when he was away, and Alec did the same for him. One asking questions about his day, that he could answer when he was alone. One for breathing exercises. One for before he went on stage and one for after. One for when he needed space just to hear Magnus’ voice through the speakers. And one for those times when he was  _ alone.  _ Right now he just needed to hear Magnus’ voice. The calming one that had gotten him through the storm multiple times. Finding the folder  _ ‘Magnus <3’  _ and finding the video, he knew exactly which one it was. The thumbnail, a moment from the video of Magnus smiling brightly in the darkness, the phone screen being the only thing lighting his face up. Pressing play, Alec settled back into the pillows

_ “Hey baby, uh this is the fourth time I’ve done this, I’m in our bed and you’re asleep next to me right now. I know you said not to make these when you were around but I couldn’t sleep. I didn’t want to wake you, you know with the show tomorrow. Or maybe you don’t know, I don’t know when you are watching this. How has your day been? My day was pretty great, the kids today were drawing pictures of their families. One little boy, Brandon, he’s in foster care and he asked if he could draw the class instead. It was the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. I can’t wait for us to have kids one day, we haven’t talked about it a lot, so I’m not sure how you feel about surrogacy but all I can imagine are tiny versions of you. Are you imagining tiny versions of me? This is supposed to be just me talking but I don’t really know what to say, uh well actually I wonder where you are in the world watching this. America or Europe or somewhere new? Endless possibilities really. Maybe you’re next to me, and you can’t sleep like me right now. Actually please don’t do that. Wake me up if you can’t sleep baby. Remember to breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth. Goodnight Alexander. I love you”  _

The audio cuts out and Alec was alone again, that was the thing about these videos, it doesn’t matter how many times he plays them, it doesn’t mean Magnus will appear in the hotel room. As much as he wants his husband right there with him, Magnus has a life and a job, he can’t just drop everything and go on tour with Alec. That doesn’t mean that Alec has to be alone though, he can just listen to the videos and Magnus is right there with him. Helping to make sense of every thought that is circling his mind, he listens to another video before he goes onto stage. This video shot in front of the pool in their backyard, Magnus shirtless soaking up the sun, sunglasses balanced on top of his head.

_ “Hello Alexander, for before you go on stage, remember everyone out there loves you and your music, whatever you do will never disappoint any of them. I know that’s what you’re thinking, but would they really be there if you were a disaster? Breathe and think about them all being naked if that helps, maybe don’t do that if I’m ever at a show that won’t help you at all. You’ve got this baby. I believe in you.”  _

That’s it, Alec, is being ushered up to the edge of the stage to be ready when the first chords of the first song starts to play. He’s done this a million times and everytime it’s a different experience, there’s different people every night, different people to impress, once he’s out there under the spotlight he’s bare. Free to judge, free to the elements of emotions. He could see a number of people, people who sing every word, people who don’t give a shit or people who love him and scream that they love him when the crowd goes quiet. Every experience is amazing and he doesn’t regret becoming a musician, he gets to show the world his music, something he’s wanted to do since he was 8-years-old and forced into violin lessons. His life would be completely different, if he didn’t do this, maybe he would never have met Magnus, finally coming out to his parents at the ripe old age of 23. None of that would’ve happened, now he gets to stand in front of all the people who have supported him for years and sing his heart out.

Hitting the tarmac, Alec’s on home soil again, after four months away, he’s finally breathing in New York air again. In the car on the way home, Alec finally felt like he could let out that breath he had been holding. Tour was over, he didn’t have to work now, maybe the one off show for charity or something but his mind was purely focused on his husband and the family they were going to bring into this world. It wasn’t going to be a long wait until the surrogate was due to give birth. Twins. Thinking about it, Alec didn’t have a clue what he was doing, but he knew that with Magnus by his side, he could do anything and they would work it all out together. They were outside now, the house Alec hadn’t stepped foot in for so long, it felt weird he wasn’t going to lie. He couldn’t wait to see Magnus, what he didn’t want for Magnus to think he looked old, yes they had been facetiming almost every day for the whole time Alec was away, but he knows as well as anyone that you never look as good as you do through a shitty webcam. 

Unlocking the door, Alec was greeted with the same hallway, nothing had changed here, all the photos in the same place. A new pair of shoes were on the rack but Alec had seen those when Magnus had showed him through the phone, while he had been in Italy. He wandered further into the house, reaching the living room and finding a massive bunch of flowers on the coffee table. Dropping his suitcase handle, he ran his fingers over the flower petals smiling to himself, and finding the card nestled between two flowers. ‘ _ To my Alexander, turn around, Love M. x’  _ its read, spinning around and finding Magnus stood in the archway to the kitchen. In an instant, arms were wrapped around his neck and he was burying his face into the shoulder of his husband. He was so happy to be home, in Magnus’ arms again. 

The evening spent, cuddled up in their bed, talking about what they were going to do when the babies arrived, names that were out of the question. Everything that Alec had ever dreamed of was right there in his hands. He couldn’t wait for the future.

**Author's Note:**

> My Twitter is @cobaltbane
> 
> Also if you've never listened to ben platt do it for clear skin


End file.
